Singing my Gender

Please join me in experiencing Beatrice’s songwriting. I love her so much. ~Mom xo xo

 I don’t think a lot of people know that I am a songwriter and not just a story writer. I find it’s easier to write songs sometimes, they’re shorter, and require less thought, as well as getting to the heart of my emotions. I have written many songs since I began, which was around grade seven or eight, and it’s always been an emotional release in bad times and a way to keep me on my feet in good times. 

 As I have mentioned in earlier blogs, I am deeply passionate about my gender. So, as you could guess, I have written songs about finding myself through my gender and my experiences with it. I don’t have much of a way to share my songs with others, as I’m a little too shy to sing in front of people (though I’m getting better) and have no real means of recording myself, so I think this is the next best thing. In this blog I will share the six songs I have written relating to gender, along with a snippet of the lyrics. I’ll be doing them in order from least to most recent. So without further ado, let’s start the list. I hope you all enjoy it.

I’ve always been like a boy,
Say it’s just the way I am!
I’ve always been like a boy,
Won’t let anybody change that!
I’ve always been like a boy,
Though I don’t wanna be one!
I’ve always been like a boy,
Like a boy,
And I don’t wanna change it!

This was a song I wrote before I even came out as genderqueer, or even considered the possibility that I wasn’t a girl. I wrote it because I always saw myself as acting more like a boy, stereotypically speaking. I was more than okay with that. I felt that the way I acted was just a beautiful part of who I am, and I wanted to express that.

‘Cause she’s a modern woman!
Don't need no man to take care o’ her! 
She’s a modern woman!
She’ll settle down when she’s good and ready!
First she wants her own house and a job that she likes
Only then will she find somebody to keep her warm at night!

This song was originally supposed to be about me. It was also written before I came out, and I was still identifying as female. I later changed the lyrics so they were about someone else; not exactly a specific person, just the embodiment of my respect for women worldwide and everything they do, whether they’re a housewife or a working woman, queer or straight, white or POC, trans or cis, or anything else. This song is now a dedication to all women – I may not be one, but I sure love them!

 GENDERQUEER WORLD; a fun parody I did to the Barbie Girl song. I quite literally despise that song with every fibre of my being simply because it is so sexist and annoying to listen to. After rethinking my gender several times, I finally came up with these lyrics and spoken intro; 

{a hundred days and a hundred nights I suffered, clinging to the hope that I’d understand myself someday. I broke down so many times, torn between the choices. What am I supposed to be? I guess, in the end, it all came down to one question… when I’m singing this song, changing it’s meaning… what do I wanna say to the people of the world?…}

Genderqueer world, 
Yeah I’m livin’ in my own world!
I ain’t plastic,
But I’m still fantastic!
Hate me if you dare,
I really don’t care!
I got friends who love me,
They don’t think that you’re above me! 

 WHAT AM I?; a song about confusion. This song isn’t exactly just about my gender, but it is one of the issues that went into writing it. This song is also about anxiety, grief, depression, anger management, symptoms of ADHD, loneliness, feelings of worthlessness, missing my past self, and much more, all of which I felt while I was writing it.

And there’s all the songs that I wrote,
All the people I want to cut in the throat,
All the feelings that make me feel like there’s no hope,
Sometimes to get out I’d need one trillion lifeboats!
It’s the pain of losing control,
It’s the pain of my body fighting my soul,
It’s the pain of not knowing the difference between friends and foes! 
What’s sad is that I know everything,  
About everyone,
But when it comes to myself,
It’s like I can’t see the sun! 
So what am I? 
What am I?

 UPTOWN BOY; another parody I did to Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl. It was kind of just a silly thing I made up for my characters, Sam Ryder and Jay Barone, Jay being the ‘Uptown Boy’ and Sam being the singer. Though both characters are actually nonbinary, I just thought it would be interesting to insert them into the song. I had fun with this one.

Uptown boy,
He’s been livin’ in his uptown world,
I bet he never met a small town gal,
I bet his mama never told him why!
I’m gonna try for an uptown boy,
He’s been livin’ in his white boy world, 
And just like any free spirit can,
He’s started lookin’ for a small town gal,
That’s what I am! 
And when he knows,
What he wants,
From his time!
And when he wakes up,
And makes up,
His mind!
He’ll see I’m not so tough,
Just because,
I’m in love,
With an uptown boy!
He knows I’ve seen him in his uptown world, 
He’s gettin’ tired of his high-class toys,
And hangin’ with the other uptown boys, 
He’s got a choice! 

 DON’T CALL ME A LADY; this is one of my current works in progress. It’s a song about how much I hate it when people call me a “young lady” or say things like “act like a lady”. I don’t like these things because the very idea of being “ladylike” is the exact opposite of who I am and who I want to be. When I was younger and someone told me to act ladylike, all it sounded like to me was “stop being who you are, it’s wrong”. I know people don’t mean to hurt me when they say it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’ve only finished the chorus so far, but here it is;

Don’t call me a lady 
It’s not who I am 
Don’t say “wear a dress” 
Or misgender my ass 
I ain’t wearin eyeshadow 
Or lipstick for you 
Won’t sit like this
Won’t talk like that 
I won’t be that fake person 
I won’t do what you ask 

 So that just about wraps up my songs about gender. I plan on writing more in the future and maybe someday I’ll write another blog about my new ones, or just another blog about my music in general. I hope you all enjoyed, and thank you for reading, it really means a lot to me.