When I was young I had a Magic 8 ball of which you could ask questions of a simple yes or no answer. It could respond in a rather ambiguous nature: “as I see it, yes” or “most likely”. It might also be more foreboding with its quips saying, “better not tell you now” or “outlook not so good”.
On the rare occasion you would get a definite answer such as “it’s decidedly so”.
My friends and I would often ask questions of a relationship nature or perhaps whether or not we might pass or fail an important exam or test. Eventually it lost its prediction prowess, however, as it was shaken too vigorously one too many times.
This all comes to mind after I received a package of business cards in the mail today which I ordered on a definite whim a week or so ago. I have referred to my dream of owning a small handcrafting business and somehow I talked myself into putting the business cards before the business. Just a bit more of that working from the top down idea, I guess.
It also reminds me of when I established this blog a year ago. I had no clue where I was going with it, but it has been wonderfully good. So I know I can work away at this little handcrafting venture with the intent to bring joy to self and others.
It’s funny, when I lived in Athol, I wanted to buy one of my neighbor’s houses to run as a small shop of curiosities. It would have been the perfect setting: whispering tall trees by the river, sweet empire roof and a wonderfully historical, whimsical feel. Brown roofing shingles, pink clapboard siding, and a raspberry red door. Lace valences in the sun room windows. A delicious looking cupcake.
I wonder, if I had had the magic 8 ball to consult, what it would have said to the question: will I ever own Ruth’s house?
Reply hazy, try again.
So maybe Ruth’s house is no longer in the picture. A lot of stuff isn’t. But that doesn’t mean the vision is not. It faded for awhile but it is coming back. My beautiful heart is strengthening to catch up with my mind.
Do you know how hard it is to grieve? And everyone does it so very differently, according to their own creation. For me it has involved reconnecting with my past a lot. Not because I want to live there, but to visit is just fine. In many ways it makes me happy. And I want to build on that happiness.
It is also a place of compassion. I came from a home, a village, a community, of hard working, creative, compassionate people. It was a very special place and a very special time. And everything I write about, create, and envision has its roots there.
Not everyone has had that experience. Some people can hardly wait to grow up and leave home. I was never one of those people. I developed very slowly in that department so I was very lucky to have a patient, loving mother and a husband to die for (to quote my mother).
They provided me with the strength to always move forward despite my challenges of mental wellness and sensitivity.
So when I needed to dig deep I could and I can. Without sacrificing the vision. I just carry it with me, that’s all, in an upgraded version.
So back to the business then. Little pieces of home, lace, ribbon, simple things. Because life is super complicated enough and I know that.
What of it, Magic 8 ball?
Life is tricky bitch, stay in your magic.