In my last piece I talked about coming out as genderqueer, and I wanted to talk about that a little more.
Genderqueer is a label that means I am not cisgender, so when I was born the doctor said “it’s a girl”, and when I was old enough to understand what that meant for me I decided I disagreed with him, but I didn’t necessarily feel like a boy either. Or any other gender identity I came across, so I simply decided to identify as something different than my assigned gender at birth.
So where does the euphoria part come in?
Well, first of all, finding a label that actually described how I felt about my gender was euphoric, it was almost like I was working on a crossword puzzle and I finally found the answer to the last question and wrote “genderqueer” in the line of little squares – and it fit! But I’d also like to talk about something called “gender euphoria”.
Gender Wiki defines gender euphoria as “a psychological condition which consists of comfort or even joy when thinking about one’s true gender identity, often accompanied by a strong desire to change one’s sex to better match their identity or to be called the correct gendered language”, which goes back to what I said about the crossword puzzle.
There are many things that can cause gender euphoria, an example would be my realization that I didn’t have a favorite color, at least not in society’s standards. Another example is music. Many people have what they call “gender euphoria songs”, or a specific tune they listen to to feel gender euphoria.
I myself have two of these, Like a Girl by Lizzo and If I Were a Boy by Beyoncé. The first of the two possibly fits into the category of “gender euphoria songs” because I was listening to it a lot at a time when I felt really good about my gender identity, so I associate positive feelings about gender with it, but to go a little deeper, one of the lyrics in the song – “if you feel like a girl then you real like a girl” – really speaks to me. I’ve never necessarily felt like a girl, but it’s almost like a kind of validation. If I feel genderqueer, then I am.
The second song relates more to my childhood. When I was a kid, I remember I always used to wish I was a boy. Or at least be allowed to do “boy things”, like play with toy cars and trucks, wear shorts and t-shirts instead of dresses, play outside and get dirty, etc, without someone saying “hey, you can’t do that, you’re not a boy!”. I wanted to be the hero in the games I played, not the damsel in distress. When I got older I realized I didn’t have to be a boy to act like that, but stereotypical “boy things” always interested me more than “girl things”. Even though the song is less about wanting to act like a boy and more about wishing a man knew how to treat a woman, it spoke to my childhood self about how I wanted to live my life when I grew up – doing what I wanted to and treating my future spouse with as much respect and adoration as I could.
Another cause of gender euphoria can be clothing, or clothes that you feel help you express your gender. This is called “gender euphoria outfits”.
I personally enjoy wearing things that don’t fit a specific gender or that boys are typically “supposed” to wear. Things like t-shirts, suspenders, harem pants, Hawaiian shirts, baseball caps, things of that nature. I feel more myself in clothes like that. I’ve even thought about trying a suit and tie for formal occasions.
I hope this may have helped people understand some of my many experiences with gender and gender euphoria, thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. 🌟